welcoming new days

I've learned so much about myself this year,
I'm kind of sad to see it go.

slowmotion,perhaps?

Tomorrow will be the longest day ever.
I just want to see you again.
Less then 24 hours now.

baby, its cold outside

Merry Christmas to my very few blog readers :)

I hope your holiday is fantastic!

-

p.s. 2 more days,

I miss you.

good thing i have work.

I miss you.

You're so far away,

ans all I want is for you

to be close to me again.

4 more days.

turning through the years.

I haven't had much to say lately,
there's too much going on.

-

-

I feel like I don't have time to think anymore.

and so this is Christmas!

Things are going right.
I get to do what I love next year,
I get to be with old friends,
Grade 12 is going well now,
I'm discovering new talents,
And making new and good friends.
I definately love Christmas time.

paperweight

ivebeenthiswaywithsomanybefore

butthisfeelslikethefirsttime

is it that look in your eyes?

I know that look,
there's something on your mind,
but I won't push it,
I've missed you too much.

be [a part of something] great.

People don't realize that words like

FAG

can really do damage to a persons mind.

And it pains me to know that

a close friend of mine

deals with this on a daily basis.

And it hurts more to know

that he is so used to it

and that he can simply brush it off

after every blow.

Its time to make the change!

Tonight

will be the night
that I will fall for you,
over agian.

riskandreward?safetyandsecurity?

Do you ever wish that you could see the future?
Wish that you knew if something would work out for you?
Or know if you would ever heal once the damage is done?
Wish that you could know the goods and bads?
Or that you could just know anything your heart desires?
-
-
But that's not how it's supposed to be.
If you saw how something was going to end,
your ability to take a risk will sway.
The future is not ours to know,
it is ours to take and create what we want to see.

internalbattles

IDONTKNOWWHATIWANTIDONTKNOW

IFIWANTYOUORIFIJUSTWANTTOHAVE

SOMEONETHATCARESASMUCHASYOU

USEDTOIMSORRYFOREVERYTHING

INEEDSOMEADVICE!

istillhavenoidea!

It's so hard to make a choice,
and listen to your heart,
when your heart only whispers,
while your head screams.

please find it in your heart

I know I lost the right to know you a long time ago,

But I hope that I can be forgiven,

I miss you.

i don't know what to feel.

can we at least
just be friends?

how can i ever face myself again?

I don't know

if I miss you,

or if I miss

the idea of you.

is you life just one more lie?

Maybe I just need some time.

you're still my best friend.

I think my one regret in high school
will be how far apart we are now,
and how close we could have been.

where do we go from here?

Oh, if I had wings,

Just like Noah's dove,

I would fly away,

To the one I love,

I would fly away,

To the one I love.

-
-
I wish I could go back now.
I want a break soon.
Maybe I'll fly to you.

i'll see you soon then

The prospect of seeing you again,

makes my days so much brighter.

I miss you so much.

fly away, to the one i love, to the one i love

"I'm trapped within this mad house

There seems to be no way out,

No route for an escape.

I'm not sure how I got in here,

But it seems I fit right in.

Like I'm one of them."

Your words make me

miss you that much more.

I wish you were here.

You make me better.

negative (-)

All I want is someone

who wants me for me,

and someone that

I can care about.

It feels like I'll never

have something that real.

nothing changes, nothing ever can

What if you could change who you are?

You would just have to move away,

because small towns never change.

-

To many eyes,

I am still the girl I was

6 years ago.

Lest We Forget

They shall grow not old,

as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them,

nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun

and in the morning

We will remember them.

-

-

We will remember them.

new days

I'm not in the right mind set.
I need good people around.
People that make me
smile,
and laugh.

Lately, those are hard to find.

one more day.

I am in the darkness,
People, friends, all around me,
but I am lost in my own thoughts.
-
I open my eyes,
and it's black, my steps are hesitant.
But soon my eyes adjust,
and I adapt to these surroundings.
-
This is where I belong.
But no sooner had my eyes adjusted,
that I am called upon.
-
I walk out of the darkness,
into a blinding light.
And it's harder to adjust here,
so I keep my head down,
until I can retreat into my familiar
Darkness.

false hopes.

It's okay to want things,
But I don't need this right now.
And I shouldn't want this.
It will never happen for me.

lets learn to fly

i make too many mistakes, i don't want you to be one of them

There are so many things

that make you great.

I don't think you realize it.

I kind of wish I didn't see it.

let's learn to fly

no, i won't apologize, i did nothing,

You'll get over it,

You always do.

i will carry you home, ill be there.

i cant pretend that this is more important.
i need to focus on everything else,
because this won't help me start my future.
there are more important things
in my mind.

If it's not like the movies,

That's how it should be.

He'll be the one that...

...finishes your sentences

carving pumpkins is super awesome.

move on, move out.

This stress just isn't going to go away.

Graduation can't come soon enough.

lets learn to fly

gotta love days like these...

Two months in,
and I've already
had my first
mental breakdown
due to stress.
AWESOME.

lets learn to fly

you're really worth nothing.

Isn't it your job to ecorage confidence?

Because until this year,

I felt like I was doing good.

Now I dont even want to do this.

I feel like I can't do this.

You're making me hate

the one thing that I loved to do most.

lets learn to fly

nights and smiles.

The
snow
was
lovely
this
evening.

stars

This was a good day.
Next year will be a
great year.

all you need is love.

Off to plan my future.

I don't know if I'm ready.

lets learn to fly

reunions are fantastic.

"EEEEHHHHYYYY"

We yell and scream,

and we don't care.

We hold hands

and talk to strangers.

We drink hot chocolate

and throw darts at a

spinning wheel.

We shoot paint balls

at dancing mascots,

and fist pump in the

strobe lights.

We take crazy pictures

and laugh

the night

away.

lets learn to fly

what you don't know you just gotta believe

I just want to sleep the days away.
I just want to believe
that everything will be okay.

lets learn to fly

we were sittin there by the water

Why did I choose to do so much this year?
I have no time for anything,
and I am being punished for it.
I need to manage my time,
and do better,
because I know I can.

lets learn to fly

another day, another destiny

Yes, it's true,
friends come and go.
It's human nature.
And we get through it,
and it's not a big deal.

But to tell me that,

because one friend

drops me,

all of the ones who

have stuck around

will drop me as well,

is rude and inconsiderate.

I love the friends I have,

and I like to believe

that people are good.

lets learn to fly

point me in the right direction.

I'm working so hard,
Spending every free minute
attempting to get it right.
Attempting to make things
easier and better.
Why is it that I can't get this right?
I've been doing this for 9 years,
what's different now?
The pressure and the criticism
really do cut deep,
even if it's constructive.
I'll keep working for it,
but I'm losing steam each day.

lets learn to fly

not without reason.

I'm feeling a ton better lately.
Gotta love the way mainstagers
make everything good again.

lets learn to fly

love,love,love

Next weekend will be a good one.

I can't wait to see some Artstrekers again.

I've missed you all very much!

oh, if i had wings!

I've been missing you a ton lately.

I wish we could be closer.

We will see each other soon,

I hope.

lets learn to fly

incredible.

I can't wait to be a mom.

I see my brother,

and he's never been happier.

I want to feel the joy

of knowing you created

something so beautiful.

-

lets learn to fly

i need a little love.

I'm too tired
to think of something to say.

lets learn to fly

you make everything good again.

That child is so beautiful.

Just being able to

hold her,

and see her,

it lifts my spirit.

Seeing the joy she brings

to her dad,

to her mom,

to her whole family,

is incredible.

How could I ever leave?

I want to watch

her grow up,

help her make

good decisions.

I want to make sure

that she knows love

and happiness.

You are beautiful.

You are a miracle.

You have nothing to worry about.

-Ihliyah Jade-

no exceptions

This bothers me.

Stop revolving your life around

something that isn't going to happen.

People need time to heal,

no exceptions.

Think things through,

You know you're in the wrong,

I didn't do anything, neither did he.

People need time to heal,

no exceptions.

lets learn to fly

it's time for us all to decide who we are

What's more important when you leave high school?

Do you move far away with all your friends?

Or do you stay close and watch your family grow older?

-

I think I need to stay close

I want to be there for my brothers and sisters,

And my new born neice.

-

Welcome to this world, Ihliyah.

happy thanksgiving!

I'm thankful for...

The family I have,

even though they yell and fight,

The job I have,

even if there are bad days,

The school I go to,

even if it stresses me out,

The show I'm in,

even if it is a ton of work,

The things I have,

even if it seems like not enough sometimes,

And lastly, the friends that I have,

even if they aren't thankful for me.

let's learn to fly

i will change everything and make this perfect again

If you really wanted me around,

Wouldn't you make more of an effort?

I feel like people that I don't know very well

Are better friends then the ones who know

The most about me.

If you've ever felt this way,

You know

How lonely the days get.

lets learn to fly.

the fire in your heart is out.

How does the mind work?

And why does it differ between each of us?

How is it that one persons perseption of right and wrong is different from another?

How does one decide when another has done wrong to them?

And why does that person act as though you did something horrid like killing their family pet?

How does that person leave you to try and put the pieces together?

And what if that person doesn't even leave any pieces to put back together?

I hope that you read this,

and give me some pieces to put together,

so that maybe I can figure out

what is going on in your head

to make you give up a friendship of 4 years.

As far as I know,

I've been nothing but a good person lately.

But our minds are all different, right?

i'll get by.

So many things to do.

I need to get my life in order,

but there is so much,

and not enough time to work it all out.

im sorry, but i don't quite understand.

I never did anything to anyone,

And yet, I keep getting shot down.

Did I do something,

and just not realize it?

I wish someone would let me know.

I mean it's only grade 12,

and, after this year, I may not see you

for months and months.

drop it.

I am so sick of your drunken shit.
Leave it alone.
I'm not doing anything to you.
Stop bitching about every little thing!

sleepless nights.

Ignore it, and it will go away.
There's some truth behind it.
Well, at least I hope so.

call my name, i'll be there.

I thought I had everything figured out.

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted.

Now I can't decide what is right, and what is wrong.

I can't decide what is more important.

For the first time in a while,

I just don't know what I'm going to do.

i've missed you s.d :)

This day couldn't have gone any better.

who will be strong and stand with me?

The bad things,
they make me sick to my stomach.
The good things,
they never last very long.
The smiles,
They are usually fake.


I have high hopes
that things will get better,
but what does 'better' mean?
Maybe my definition
is too complex.

i dare you to move.

Life comes with ups and downs.
All you gotta do is deal with it.

happiness is a warm gun

my mood changes so quickly.

there are few things that make me happy lately.

i can't wait to get your letter.

please stay, don't go

You are the reason I know how to love.

i would fly away, to the one i love.

Just talking to you

makes me feel so much better,

But I still miss you.

what you want, what you need

All our lives we are told to 'follow our hearts',

But what if 'following your heart'

Means breaking someone elses?

Listen:

things here,

they never change.

saygoodbye.

i wish i could stop this.

none of this will matter

when were all gone away.

don't want the room to go quiet, and have to think of things to say

I can only hope for the best.

I can only hope for you.

looktothemoon

Restless sleep is dreamless sleep.

As I fall back into this slumber,

All I ask is that it be filled

With comforting dreams,

So I can feel better,

If only for the night.

my heart is heavy

I want so many things

that I know won't happen.

And I hate to feel this way

but there's not much I can do.

I'll just put on my mask

and get through the days.

If it hurts this much,

Then it must be love,

And it's a lottery,

I can't wait to draw your name.

don't let me go it alone.

I'm

feeling

empty, and

I'm longing

for someone

to talk

to.

not happiness.

It's my own fault.

I need to use my head.

I can't let this happen again.

The one thing that's holding me back,

From truly enjoying myself.

we know you all too well

All I want

is something

real.

i still don't measure up

I'm feeling better today,

but there is always something

that prevents a good day from

being a great day.

^

I just want to get through tomorrow

Maybe then I can get some rest.

i'll make this perfect again.

Having the worst day ever,
Stressed beyond my control.
And with one simple touch,
And a quick 'hello',
You made me feel like
I had nothing to worry about.

I miss good hugs, and good talks.

I'm getting really sick,
and I'm getting really tired.
All I do is work and study,
and all I want is a day to relax.

I'm feeling really lonely,
and I'm feeling out of place.
All I ever do is hide,
with this smile on my face.

I'm missing just talking,
and I'm missing an embrace.
All I do is listen,
but I need is someone here.

where would i be?

Thank God for the friends I have.

Lets sing together.

maybenexttimewillbeyourtime

Seeing is believing.

youanditonight

oh, how i'll miss nights like these...

you prove me wrong.

Right after I posted that last one,
I got to school,
And you were the first person
To say 'hello' to me.
I'm feeling a lot better now.

part-time

One of those days,

When I wish you were here,

Why is it that you are able

To find a best friend

In the person who is farthest away?

And the ones near by

Seem more like part-time friends?

Ignored in the halls

Of a giant red building,

Because just saying "hello"

Could make you look bad.

I miss talking to you everyday,

And I think you do too.

the best years of your life, right?

So focused on the future,

Working hard to do everything right.

Attempting to ignore

This on going internal fight.

I just want to let go,

And spend these last few months

With the people

That I'm going to miss the most.

i guess not.

You think you know someone.
But then again,
This is high school.
We don't really know anyone.

thingschange.

When you are young and naive,
You believe
That love is all that matters,
You believe
That finding 'The One' it the
Most important thing.

But soon enough,
You realise,
It's not that simple.

fastwordsmakeiteasieronme

I don't know what to do.
I want to be free.

Comfortable.

I think I've figured out
Why it won't work with
Anyone else.

You're my best friend.

And I've never, ever,
Been so comfortable with
Anyone else.

castlist.

Tomorrow is the day!
Time to find out if I did enough!
Too excited!

;

Well that plan didn't last very long,
but it's okay, i'm happy! :D

nerves!nerves!nerves!

I'm starting to get really nervous.
Hopefully everything goes well,
Hopefully I can calm myself down in time.
Hopefully I make the cut.

lalala

Allergies are the worst ever!

!

You make work better.
:)

jumbled thoughts:

I'm feeling really sick today,
Not good, Audition is in one week.
and I have a total of 2 days off
before then, practicing all day tomorrow,
no time to get better.

P.S. I missed you,
lets be best friends again.

goodbye summer 2010

Starting to get a little stressed out...
Audition is in a week and a half,
Baby Shower in 2 and a half weeks,
Work almost everyday next week,
And I have to miss my best friends
very first tattoo,
And then back to school.
I would really like to enjoy
my last few days of summer,
but I guess it won't happen.

Stop, and think.

I'm sick of people
telling me what to do,
and treating me like shit.
They seem to think:
"It's only Cassii,
she can take it,
she doesn't care,
it's only a joke, right?"
Wrong! I hate it,
and I'm not dealing with
it again this year.

Don't worry, be happy.

Monday was amazing and perfect,
It was so great to see everyone again,
But after the day was over,
I was stuck between two emotions,
happiness and disappointment, polar opposites,
happy to be with great people for a day,
disappointed that I won't see them til next year.

ZOOOO!!!

So excited for tomorrow,
but today I feel sick,
and I'm in a lot of pain,
but I am happy, at least.

giraffes and dinosaurs

I cannot wait to go to the zoo :)
I miss everyone way to much,
I just wish everyone could be there!

just drop it.

Thinking about you makes me so
upset and angry and frustrated.
I don't want to deal with you.


On another note:
I miss you so much,
and I think you're amazing.
Lets hang out soon.
A whole year is much too long.

i'll know soon enough

So you know, I burried you on that stage,
And I took the step over the golden line.
That was the very first step towards getting over you.
And I won't turn back.


I'm starting to worry if this is true.
I guess I;ll find out in a few days,
when I see you for the first time
since I crossed the beautiful golden line.

imissit&imissyou.

It's such a terrible feeling,
to feel like you don't belong.
I feel like the people who
I connect best with
and that understand who I am,
are hours away.
I don't want to lose touch,
and I hope that I'll see
everyone again.
Until then, I'll get by,
pretending I agree with this
nonsense around me,
and pretending that I like it here,
when, really,
I can't wait to go back.

I'm finally reading Harry Potter!

I feel like I'm just wasting my summer away.
All I do is wait to go to work,
and work isn't even decent anymore.

I miss my friends,
they're all busy with summer plans.

I miss Artstrek,
and hopefully the Calgary reunion will go good,
and hopefully I'll be able to attend the one in Edmonton,
but who knows?

If you ever feel lost, look here.

I wrote this while at Artstrek
And it's a really great reminder for me.

Friday July 16, 2010

I love dance parties, and I love friendships.
I love waking up early and super activities.
I love these summer classes and the bruises on my knees.
I love creativity and the freedom to explore.
And I would also love to keep this state of mind,
For the rest of my years.

Frankenstein!

Best week of my life so far.

"Thick, black, rain,
Falling on the
City on fire!"

"Go to sleep my brave young boy,
There's nothing more for you to do,
Go to sleep my clever boy,
Tomorrow belongs to you."

"Oh if I had wings,
Just like Noah's dove,
I would fly away,
To the one I love,
I would fly away,
To the one I love."

"Fallow the leada,
leada, leada,
Fallow the leada,
*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*
Jump and wave!"


It's going to be weird to
wake up tomorrow morning
and not see all those
wonderful people.
I love and miss you all!!!

I wish you would be there with me

TOMORROW
will be
a great
day.

I'll miss you though.

stampede.

I love music
and Down With Webster,
and rides,
and fireworks,
and bright lights,
and mini donuts,
and friends,
and pictures,
and cowboy hats,
and I think I miss you.



P.S. I'm praying for you.

ineedtogetaway

I cannot wait to leave!
3 more days.

sing me something I need!

Work was so slow this evening,
and usually this results in
super boring night of
word searches and too many breaks.
But tonight I got to spend time with you
so it was the perfect shift :)

AND

I suppose I've realized that
I love you so much,
but as a really good friend.
I know we can never be anything more,
but it's okay because
I have an incredible best friend.

imluckytobeinlovewithmybestfriend

I went for a walk in the rain today,
and it was beautiful.
I haven't enjoyed the rain for so long,
it always brings me down.
But not today, and I wished you were with me,
not because I was lonely,
but because I knew you would appreciate
the perfect storm.


p.s. I've missed you, it was good to talk to you again.

artstrek:)

I'm waiting for the good.
Six more days.

I love you, but...

I'm starting to wonder if you were really worth waiting th past two and a half years for. I think you really are amazing, but that doesn't change your inablility to realize what has always been right infront of you.
I feel like there is so much more for me, if I could just let you go.

This is a little different for me.

I can't help but fall for who I'm finally seeing you as.
That being said, how could you ever feel the same?

numberone

I was extremely bored this evening and decided to read a good friend's blog. I read about 40 of his posts and was blown away by how incredible and beautiful his writing is. For the past 10 or so years that I've known him, I had no idea that he had all of this amazing passion inside. It all seems so crazy to me.

I started this blog because I realised how much of a release it is to just write everything down. I dont care if people read what I have to say, but it will feel great to just put it all out there and take that step towards letting go.

Lets learn to fly.