Thursday, December 30, 2010

welcoming new days

I've learned so much about myself this year,
I'm kind of sad to see it go.

Monday, December 27, 2010

slowmotion,perhaps?

Tomorrow will be the longest day ever.
I just want to see you again.
Less then 24 hours now.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

baby, its cold outside

Merry Christmas to my very few blog readers :)
I hope your holiday is fantastic!
-
p.s. 2 more days,
I miss you.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

good thing i have work.

I miss you.
You're so far away,
ans all I want is for you
to be close to me again.
4 more days.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

turning through the years.

I haven't had much to say lately,
there's too much going on.
-
-
I feel like I don't have time to think anymore.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

and so this is Christmas!

Things are going right.
I get to do what I love next year,
I get to be with old friends,
Grade 12 is going well now,
I'm discovering new talents,
And making new and good friends.
I definately love Christmas time.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Saturday, December 4, 2010

is it that look in your eyes?

I know that look,
there's something on your mind,
but I won't push it,
I've missed you too much.

Friday, December 3, 2010

be [a part of something] great.

People don't realize that words like
FAG
can really do damage to a persons mind.
And it pains me to know that
a close friend of mine
deals with this on a daily basis.
And it hurts more to know
that he is so used to it
and that he can simply brush it off
after every blow.
Its time to make the change!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Tonight

will be the night
that I will fall for you,
over agian.

riskandreward?safetyandsecurity?

Do you ever wish that you could see the future?
Wish that you knew if something would work out for you?
Or know if you would ever heal once the damage is done?
Wish that you could know the goods and bads?
Or that you could just know anything your heart desires?
-
-
But that's not how it's supposed to be.
If you saw how something was going to end,
your ability to take a risk will sway.
The future is not ours to know,
it is ours to take and create what we want to see.

Monday, November 29, 2010

internalbattles

IDONTKNOWWHATIWANTIDONTKNOW
IFIWANTYOUORIFIJUSTWANTTOHAVE
SOMEONETHATCARESASMUCHASYOU
USEDTOIMSORRYFOREVERYTHING
INEEDSOMEADVICE!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

istillhavenoidea!

It's so hard to make a choice,
and listen to your heart,
when your heart only whispers,
while your head screams.

please find it in your heart

I know I lost the right to know you a long time ago,
But I hope that I can be forgiven,
I miss you.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

you're still my best friend.

I think my one regret in high school
will be how far apart we are now,
and how close we could have been.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

where do we go from here?

Oh, if I had wings,
Just like Noah's dove,
I would fly away,
To the one I love,
I would fly away,
To the one I love.
-
-
I wish I could go back now.
I want a break soon.
Maybe I'll fly to you.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

i'll see you soon then

The prospect of seeing you again,
makes my days so much brighter.
I miss you so much.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

fly away, to the one i love, to the one i love

"I'm trapped within this mad house
There seems to be no way out,
No route for an escape.
I'm not sure how I got in here,
But it seems I fit right in.
Like I'm one of them."
Your words make me
miss you that much more.
I wish you were here.
You make me better.

Monday, November 15, 2010

negative (-)

All I want is someone
who wants me for me,
and someone that
I can care about.
It feels like I'll never
have something that real.

Friday, November 12, 2010

nothing changes, nothing ever can

What if you could change who you are?
You would just have to move away,
because small towns never change.
-
To many eyes,
I am still the girl I was
6 years ago.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lest We Forget

They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
and in the morning
We will remember them.
-
-
We will remember them.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

new days

I'm not in the right mind set.
I need good people around.
People that make me
smile,
and laugh.
Lately, those are hard to find.

one more day.

I am in the darkness,
People, friends, all around me,
but I am lost in my own thoughts.
-
I open my eyes,
and it's black, my steps are hesitant.
But soon my eyes adjust,
and I adapt to these surroundings.
-
This is where I belong.
But no sooner had my eyes adjusted,
that I am called upon.
-
I walk out of the darkness,
into a blinding light.
And it's harder to adjust here,
so I keep my head down,
until I can retreat into my familiar
Darkness.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

false hopes.

It's okay to want things,
But I don't need this right now.
And I shouldn't want this.
It will never happen for me.

lets learn to fly

Saturday, November 6, 2010

i make too many mistakes, i don't want you to be one of them

There are so many things
that make you great.
I don't think you realize it.
I kind of wish I didn't see it.
let's learn to fly

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

i will carry you home, ill be there.

i cant pretend that this is more important.
i need to focus on everything else,
because this won't help me start my future.
there are more important things
in my mind.

Monday, November 1, 2010

If it's not like the movies,

That's how it should be.


He'll be the one that...

...finishes your sentences

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

move on, move out.

This stress just isn't going to go away.
Graduation can't come soon enough.
lets learn to fly

Thursday, October 28, 2010

gotta love days like these...

Two months in,
and I've already
had my first
mental breakdown
due to stress.
AWESOME.

lets learn to fly

you're really worth nothing.

Isn't it your job to ecorage confidence?
Because until this year,
I felt like I was doing good.
Now I dont even want to do this.
I feel like I can't do this.
You're making me hate
the one thing that I loved to do most.
lets learn to fly

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

all you need is love.

Off to plan my future.
I don't know if I'm ready.
lets learn to fly

reunions are fantastic.

"EEEEHHHHYYYY"
We yell and scream,
and we don't care.
We hold hands
and talk to strangers.
We drink hot chocolate
and throw darts at a
spinning wheel.
We shoot paint balls
at dancing mascots,
and fist pump in the
strobe lights.
We take crazy pictures
and laugh
the night
away.
lets learn to fly

Friday, October 22, 2010

what you don't know you just gotta believe

I just want to sleep the days away.
I just want to believe
that everything will be okay.

lets learn to fly

Thursday, October 21, 2010

we were sittin there by the water

Why did I choose to do so much this year?
I have no time for anything,
and I am being punished for it.
I need to manage my time,
and do better,
because I know I can.

lets learn to fly

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

another day, another destiny

Yes, it's true,
friends come and go.
It's human nature.
And we get through it,
and it's not a big deal.

But to tell me that,
because one friend
drops me,
all of the ones who
have stuck around
will drop me as well,
is rude and inconsiderate.

I love the friends I have,
and I like to believe
that people are good.
lets learn to fly

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

point me in the right direction.

I'm working so hard,
Spending every free minute
attempting to get it right.
Attempting to make things
easier and better.
Why is it that I can't get this right?
I've been doing this for 9 years,
what's different now?
The pressure and the criticism
really do cut deep,
even if it's constructive.
I'll keep working for it,
but I'm losing steam each day.

lets learn to fly

not without reason.

I'm feeling a ton better lately.
Gotta love the way mainstagers
make everything good again.

lets learn to fly

Sunday, October 17, 2010

love,love,love

Next weekend will be a good one.
I can't wait to see some Artstrekers again.
I've missed you all very much!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

oh, if i had wings!

I've been missing you a ton lately.
I wish we could be closer.
We will see each other soon,
I hope.
lets learn to fly

Friday, October 15, 2010

incredible.

I can't wait to be a mom.
I see my brother,
and he's never been happier.
I want to feel the joy
of knowing you created
something so beautiful.
-
lets learn to fly

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

you make everything good again.

That child is so beautiful.
Just being able to
hold her,
and see her,
it lifts my spirit.
Seeing the joy she brings
to her dad,
to her mom,
to her whole family,
is incredible.
How could I ever leave?
I want to watch
her grow up,
help her make
good decisions.
I want to make sure
that she knows love
and happiness.
You are beautiful.
You are a miracle.
You have nothing to worry about.
-Ihliyah Jade-

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

no exceptions

This bothers me.
Stop revolving your life around
something that isn't going to happen.
People need time to heal,
no exceptions.
Think things through,
You know you're in the wrong,
I didn't do anything, neither did he.
People need time to heal,
no exceptions.
lets learn to fly

Monday, October 11, 2010

it's time for us all to decide who we are

What's more important when you leave high school?
Do you move far away with all your friends?
Or do you stay close and watch your family grow older?
-
I think I need to stay close
I want to be there for my brothers and sisters,
And my new born neice.
-
Welcome to this world, Ihliyah.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

happy thanksgiving!

I'm thankful for...
The family I have,
even though they yell and fight,
The job I have,
even if there are bad days,
The school I go to,
even if it stresses me out,
The show I'm in,
even if it is a ton of work,
The things I have,
even if it seems like not enough sometimes,
And lastly, the friends that I have,
even if they aren't thankful for me.
let's learn to fly

Saturday, October 9, 2010

i will change everything and make this perfect again

If you really wanted me around,
Wouldn't you make more of an effort?
I feel like people that I don't know very well
Are better friends then the ones who know
The most about me.
If you've ever felt this way,
You know
How lonely the days get.

lets learn to fly.

Friday, October 8, 2010

the fire in your heart is out.

How does the mind work?
And why does it differ between each of us?
How is it that one persons perseption of right and wrong is different from another?
How does one decide when another has done wrong to them?
And why does that person act as though you did something horrid like killing their family pet?
How does that person leave you to try and put the pieces together?
And what if that person doesn't even leave any pieces to put back together?
I hope that you read this,
and give me some pieces to put together,
so that maybe I can figure out
what is going on in your head
to make you give up a friendship of 4 years.
As far as I know,
I've been nothing but a good person lately.
But our minds are all different, right?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

i'll get by.

So many things to do.
I need to get my life in order,
but there is so much,
and not enough time to work it all out.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

im sorry, but i don't quite understand.

I never did anything to anyone,
And yet, I keep getting shot down.
Did I do something,
and just not realize it?
I wish someone would let me know.
I mean it's only grade 12,
and, after this year, I may not see you
for months and months.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

drop it.

I am so sick of your drunken shit.
Leave it alone.
I'm not doing anything to you.
Stop bitching about every little thing!

Monday, October 4, 2010

sleepless nights.

Ignore it, and it will go away.
There's some truth behind it.
Well, at least I hope so.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

call my name, i'll be there.

I thought I had everything figured out.
I thought I knew exactly what I wanted.
Now I can't decide what is right, and what is wrong.
I can't decide what is more important.
For the first time in a while,
I just don't know what I'm going to do.

i've missed you s.d :)

This day couldn't have gone any better.

Friday, October 1, 2010

who will be strong and stand with me?

The bad things,
they make me sick to my stomach.
The good things,
they never last very long.
The smiles,
They are usually fake.


I have high hopes
that things will get better,
but what does 'better' mean?
Maybe my definition
is too complex.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

happiness is a warm gun

my mood changes so quickly.
there are few things that make me happy lately.
i can't wait to get your letter.

please stay, don't go

You are the reason I know how to love.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

what you want, what you need

All our lives we are told to 'follow our hearts',
But what if 'following your heart'
Means breaking someone elses?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

saygoodbye.

i wish i could stop this.
none of this will matter
when were all gone away.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

looktothemoon

Restless sleep is dreamless sleep.
As I fall back into this slumber,
All I ask is that it be filled
With comforting dreams,
So I can feel better,
If only for the night.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

my heart is heavy

I want so many things
that I know won't happen.
And I hate to feel this way
but there's not much I can do.
I'll just put on my mask
and get through the days.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

If it hurts this much,

Then it must be love,
And it's a lottery,
I can't wait to draw your name.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sunday, September 19, 2010

not happiness.

It's my own fault.
I need to use my head.
I can't let this happen again.
The one thing that's holding me back,
From truly enjoying myself.

Friday, September 17, 2010

i still don't measure up

I'm feeling better today,
but there is always something
that prevents a good day from
being a great day.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

^

I just want to get through tomorrow
Maybe then I can get some rest.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

i'll make this perfect again.

Having the worst day ever,
Stressed beyond my control.
And with one simple touch,
And a quick 'hello',
You made me feel like
I had nothing to worry about.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I miss good hugs, and good talks.

I'm getting really sick,
and I'm getting really tired.
All I do is work and study,
and all I want is a day to relax.

I'm feeling really lonely,
and I'm feeling out of place.
All I ever do is hide,
with this smile on my face.

I'm missing just talking,
and I'm missing an embrace.
All I do is listen,
but I need is someone here.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

you prove me wrong.

Right after I posted that last one,
I got to school,
And you were the first person
To say 'hello' to me.
I'm feeling a lot better now.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

part-time

One of those days,
When I wish you were here,
Why is it that you are able
To find a best friend
In the person who is farthest away?
And the ones near by
Seem more like part-time friends?
Ignored in the halls
Of a giant red building,
Because just saying "hello"
Could make you look bad.
I miss talking to you everyday,
And I think you do too.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

the best years of your life, right?

So focused on the future,
Working hard to do everything right.
Attempting to ignore
This on going internal fight.
I just want to let go,
And spend these last few months
With the people
That I'm going to miss the most.

Monday, September 6, 2010

i guess not.

You think you know someone.
But then again,
This is high school.
We don't really know anyone.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

thingschange.

When you are young and naive,
You believe
That love is all that matters,
You believe
That finding 'The One' it the
Most important thing.

But soon enough,
You realise,
It's not that simple.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Comfortable.

I think I've figured out
Why it won't work with
Anyone else.

You're my best friend.

And I've never, ever,
Been so comfortable with
Anyone else.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

castlist.

Tomorrow is the day!
Time to find out if I did enough!
Too excited!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

;

Well that plan didn't last very long,
but it's okay, i'm happy! :D

Friday, August 27, 2010

nerves!nerves!nerves!

I'm starting to get really nervous.
Hopefully everything goes well,
Hopefully I can calm myself down in time.
Hopefully I make the cut.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

jumbled thoughts:

I'm feeling really sick today,
Not good, Audition is in one week.
and I have a total of 2 days off
before then, practicing all day tomorrow,
no time to get better.

P.S. I missed you,
lets be best friends again.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

goodbye summer 2010

Starting to get a little stressed out...
Audition is in a week and a half,
Baby Shower in 2 and a half weeks,
Work almost everyday next week,
And I have to miss my best friends
very first tattoo,
And then back to school.
I would really like to enjoy
my last few days of summer,
but I guess it won't happen.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Stop, and think.

I'm sick of people
telling me what to do,
and treating me like shit.
They seem to think:
"It's only Cassii,
she can take it,
she doesn't care,
it's only a joke, right?"
Wrong! I hate it,
and I'm not dealing with
it again this year.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Don't worry, be happy.

Monday was amazing and perfect,
It was so great to see everyone again,
But after the day was over,
I was stuck between two emotions,
happiness and disappointment, polar opposites,
happy to be with great people for a day,
disappointed that I won't see them til next year.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

ZOOOO!!!

So excited for tomorrow,
but today I feel sick,
and I'm in a lot of pain,
but I am happy, at least.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

giraffes and dinosaurs

I cannot wait to go to the zoo :)
I miss everyone way to much,
I just wish everyone could be there!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

just drop it.

Thinking about you makes me so
upset and angry and frustrated.
I don't want to deal with you.


On another note:
I miss you so much,
and I think you're amazing.
Lets hang out soon.
A whole year is much too long.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

i'll know soon enough

So you know, I burried you on that stage,
And I took the step over the golden line.
That was the very first step towards getting over you.
And I won't turn back.


I'm starting to worry if this is true.
I guess I;ll find out in a few days,
when I see you for the first time
since I crossed the beautiful golden line.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

imissit&imissyou.

It's such a terrible feeling,
to feel like you don't belong.
I feel like the people who
I connect best with
and that understand who I am,
are hours away.
I don't want to lose touch,
and I hope that I'll see
everyone again.
Until then, I'll get by,
pretending I agree with this
nonsense around me,
and pretending that I like it here,
when, really,
I can't wait to go back.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I'm finally reading Harry Potter!

I feel like I'm just wasting my summer away.
All I do is wait to go to work,
and work isn't even decent anymore.

I miss my friends,
they're all busy with summer plans.

I miss Artstrek,
and hopefully the Calgary reunion will go good,
and hopefully I'll be able to attend the one in Edmonton,
but who knows?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

If you ever feel lost, look here.

I wrote this while at Artstrek
And it's a really great reminder for me.

Friday July 16, 2010

I love dance parties, and I love friendships.
I love waking up early and super activities.
I love these summer classes and the bruises on my knees.
I love creativity and the freedom to explore.
And I would also love to keep this state of mind,
For the rest of my years.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Frankenstein!

Best week of my life so far.

"Thick, black, rain,
Falling on the
City on fire!"

"Go to sleep my brave young boy,
There's nothing more for you to do,
Go to sleep my clever boy,
Tomorrow belongs to you."

"Oh if I had wings,
Just like Noah's dove,
I would fly away,
To the one I love,
I would fly away,
To the one I love."

"Fallow the leada,
leada, leada,
Fallow the leada,
*CLAP*CLAP*CLAP*
Jump and wave!"


It's going to be weird to
wake up tomorrow morning
and not see all those
wonderful people.
I love and miss you all!!!

Friday, July 9, 2010

stampede.

I love music
and Down With Webster,
and rides,
and fireworks,
and bright lights,
and mini donuts,
and friends,
and pictures,
and cowboy hats,
and I think I miss you.



P.S. I'm praying for you.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

sing me something I need!

Work was so slow this evening,
and usually this results in
super boring night of
word searches and too many breaks.
But tonight I got to spend time with you
so it was the perfect shift :)

AND

I suppose I've realized that
I love you so much,
but as a really good friend.
I know we can never be anything more,
but it's okay because
I have an incredible best friend.

Monday, July 5, 2010

imluckytobeinlovewithmybestfriend

I went for a walk in the rain today,
and it was beautiful.
I haven't enjoyed the rain for so long,
it always brings me down.
But not today, and I wished you were with me,
not because I was lonely,
but because I knew you would appreciate
the perfect storm.


p.s. I've missed you, it was good to talk to you again.

artstrek:)

I'm waiting for the good.
Six more days.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I love you, but...

I'm starting to wonder if you were really worth waiting th past two and a half years for. I think you really are amazing, but that doesn't change your inablility to realize what has always been right infront of you.
I feel like there is so much more for me, if I could just let you go.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

This is a little different for me.

I can't help but fall for who I'm finally seeing you as.
That being said, how could you ever feel the same?

numberone

I was extremely bored this evening and decided to read a good friend's blog. I read about 40 of his posts and was blown away by how incredible and beautiful his writing is. For the past 10 or so years that I've known him, I had no idea that he had all of this amazing passion inside. It all seems so crazy to me.

I started this blog because I realised how much of a release it is to just write everything down. I dont care if people read what I have to say, but it will feel great to just put it all out there and take that step towards letting go.

Lets learn to fly.